“Grace Through the Ages” – Jan 8, 2012 Sermon

January 8, 2012

Scripture: John 21: 15-18

When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my lambs.” A second time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Tend my sheep.” He said to him the third time, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” And he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep. Very truly, I tell you, when you were younger, you used to fasten your own belt and to go wherever you wished. But when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will fasten a belt around you and take you where you do not wish to go.”

Sermon: Grace Through the Ages
by Rev. Doreen Oughton

Have you seen the cartoon showing a very concerned man beside a very pregnant woman? She is being wheeled into the delivery room, and he leans over and says, “Sweetie, are you sure you want to go through with this?” I know there’s not an exact correlation, but something about this reminds of the many discussions I’ve had with people about the process of aging. As Ralph Milton says, old age begins at birth. Once we have entered this world of chronos, time as we understand it, there is no way to stop it’s movement. How we may long to stop time, to stay young and vigorous ourselves, to keep our children or grandchildren at a particularly sweet and interesting age. We may even wish to go backward, to recapture a time when everything seemed possible and fortune smiled upon us, or to know our own mother or father as young adults, even as children, to know them as their peers knew them. But at least as far as most of us understand time, we can’t. It only moves forward, one increasingly fast day after another. Now there may be ways to access kairos, spiritual time, where all the past, present and future are all one, but I haven’t experienced that, and I believe that even for the most evolved mystics, such experiences come fleetingly and unpredictably. So I’m going to focus today on time as we understand it, knowing that as always, there is a great deal that lies beyond our grasp.
I confess it wasn’t easy to find scripture that talks specifically about the challenges or even blessings of growing older. The psalms we heard talk about the difference between God’s sense of time and ours, the relative briefness of our existence in this realm, and calls upon God to remain steadfast in his care of us in our old age. The Gospel reading is one that is usually explored in the Easter season, a post-resurrection visit from Jesus to the disciples. I have always puzzled over this text, why Jesus seems to shift topics so abruptly, from calling on Simon Peter to tend the flock to what will happen to Peter when he grows old. And this passage has always made me think about that loss of agency people speak of as they age – the idea that one can no longer do what one wants to do. Not so much that someone else will take you where you do not wish to go, but that one’s own body, or even mind, will take you where you do not wish to go. Maybe that means more trips to the doctor, or more trips to the bathroom. Maybe it means searching for things you were sure you put down in the usual spot, or returning to the same room time after time because you keep forgetting what you went for, then remember, then forget again.
A sermon by Rev. Scott Black Johnston offers the most compelling thing I read that considers this transition, from “feed my sheep” to “someone else will take you where you do not wish to go,” to “follow me.” Rev. Johnston theorizes that Jesus gives Simon Peter this glimpse into the future in order to free him from worry about it. If Peter knows what to expect, he won’t have to invest time in worrying about it, and he would be freed to feed the flock and follow Jesus, to live out his calling with a full commitment to the mission. It had likely been out of fear for his life and well-being that Peter denied Jesus three times, despite his best intentions, on the night Jesus was arrested. Jesus knew Peter was vulnerable to such worries, and so he addresses them head on. Yes, Peter, when you are older, someone will put a belt around you and take you where you do not wish to go. But that’s not happening now, and when it does happen you’ll know it was meant to be and there’s nothing you can or should try to do to stop it. Just feed my sheep, and follow me.
Is there a message for us here? I believe so. People worry about aging well, aging gracefully. Will I get wrinkled? Yes, if you live long enough you certainly will. Will I start getting forgetful? Yes you will. Will I have more health problems? Yes, your body goes past it’s peak functioning, and things are wearing out. You don’t have to waste time worrying about whether these things will happen. They will. They might already be happening now. I am quite confident that God does not love us any less for it, does not consider us less valuable, less precious. Can we accept God’s grace and love as we go through these changes? Can we, like Peter, be set free to follow Jesus into even greater union with God by accepting the truth of these things?
This attitude of acceptance and hope can contribute to graceful aging. We can appropriately mourn the losses – our vigor, our strength, our youth, our beauty and certain capabilities. We can mourn the loss of people that we have loved. There is nothing graceless or whiny about mourning. Jesus said, “blessed are those who mourn.” It is important to recognize the losses, to feel and acknowledge their impact. But we don’t have to stay in the place of mourning for the rest of our days. We can look at our blessings, to see what special gifts come with our years. After all, to become old means we are survivors, we have a certain strength, resilience, wisdom, and perhaps good fortune, that carried us this far.
There’s a paradox to aging well that involves accepting, and to some degree anticipating the physical and mental changes that come with aging, combined with some level of denial about it. My husband loves to tell about the hardy people of Maine, where his parents summered, who were well into their 80s and 90s and still did their farm chores, shoveling, all kinds of physical labor. They just didn’t pay much attention to the numbers, but kept going a day at a time. It could well be true that people who do the best with aging aren’t thinking that much about getting older. They’re not really focusing on what’s not working anymore. It’s not a good strategy to sit around mulling over the meaning of existence and how time is running out. This is more likely to lead to depression and increased isolation. There are some things to pay attention to, like when you should see a doctor, when you need to downsize, when you need to plan for death or long-term care, or when you need to ask for help. There are other things you maybe can let go of – that they don’t do things the way they used to, that you are slower, heavier, more wrinkly, more forgetful, less independent.
Scholar and writer Susan Jacoby makes some important points in her book, Never Say Die: The Myth and Marketing of the New Old Age. She says, “The truth is that we are all capable of aging successfully—until we aren’t. The media love to uphold examples of “ageless” aging like Betty White, a scintillating comedian at 89, or Warren Buffett, an investment sage at 80. These exceptions are easier to think about than the general rule that physical and financial hardships mount as people move beyond their relatively hardy 60s and 70s, classified by sociologists as the “young old,” into the harsher territory of the “old old” in their 80s and 90s. There is a 50–50 chance that anyone who survives to blow out 85 candles will endure years of significant mental or physical disability. The risk of Alzheimer’s disease doubles in every five-year period over 65. Furthermore, two thirds of Americans older than 85 are women, who usually become poorer as they age. Many won’t die at home, with the best care money can buy, but in a Medicaid-funded nursing facility after their life savings have been exhausted. There is nothing wrong with hoping for a medical breakthrough to alleviate age-related diseases—especially Alzheimer’s—but hope is not a plan of action. Age-defying hope and hype do nothing to address either the overwhelming political issue of how to pay for Medicare and Social Security as the population ages or the many personal decisions about retirement and end-of-life medical care that each of us must make.” I appreciate her point that aging gracefully is not just an individual issue, but a societal one also. How do we as people, or as Christians, contribute or not to supporting people as they decline? How can the body of Christ be part of the graceful aging of its members? Is there a call to us here? I know people here have seen their own parents or others go through these distressing changes. Is there wisdom you have gleaned about what is helpful? Is there a gap in services that the church could help with? If anyone is interested in exploring this more, please let me know.
Most of us do not learn in advance, as Simon Peter did, just what will happen as we age. Perhaps we will be spared the terrible mental and physical disabilities, perhaps not. But still we are like the very pregnant woman being wheeled into delivery whether she really wants to go through with it or not. It’s happening. We are aging. We can dread it, or we can embrace it. We can fight against its evidence with hair dye, botox, and surgery, none of which makes us even one day younger. Or we can seek to keep growing in wisdom, in love, in faith, in connection. We can enjoy the freedom from responsibility as we leave structured employment and child-rearing. We can enjoy the blessings of accepting help, of being taken care of after decades of giving care. We can share our time and love and joy and wisdom with others. We can feel less anxious about the things that used to seem so important – keeping the house just so, looking a certain way, fitting in.
I love the reflection by writer Linda Weltner, that within her body is a history of a life, written into cells and carved into skin, how her body, absorbing pain and pleasure with equal ferocity, has kept a careful record of the passing time. When she looks in the mirror, she says, she feels touched in the most profound way the flesh and blood friend she sees there. She reminds herself that her body has introduced her to every pleasure, shared in every wondrous discovery, been a comfort more times than not. That is something to appreciate, something to honor, no matter how the body slows down and changes.
In closing, I’d like to share some wonderful prayers I came across in my research on aging. Some are funny, some moving, some very inspirational.
Lord, Thou knowest I am growing older. Keep me from becoming talkative and possessed with the idea that I must express myself on every subject. Release me from the craving to straighten out everyone’s affairs. Keep me from the recital of endless detail. Give me wings to get to the point. Seal my lips when I am inclined to tell of my aches and pains. They are increasing with the years and my love to speak of them grows sweeter as time goes by. Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally I may be wrong. Make me thoughtful but not nosy; helpful but not bossy. With my vast store of wisdom and experience it does seem a pity not to use it all. But, Thou knowest, Lord, that I want a few friends at the end. Amen.
This next is called The Senility Prayer: God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
And now a prayer for the strength to reach out for help: I don’t want to be a burden, God. I certainly don’t want pity. But I can no longer do it all alone. Help me, God. Teach me not to be afraid to rely upon others. Show me how to accept kindness, how to ask for help. Teach me, God, that my children still love me even though they’re grown. I still have so much to offer, God. Help me find the ways to transmit my wisdom, to share my love, to realize my talents, to offer my reassurance and support. Most of all, I place my trust in You, God; I place my body and soul in Your hands, and pray that You will be with me. Amen.
This one is a birthday prayer: I am a year older today, God, and my birthday wish is this: Let me keep growing.I want to grow not only in years but in strength, in wisdom, in love. I want to gain patience, I want to gain compassion and understanding. This year, please help me to realize the potential You have placed inside me. May I never underestimate my potential, may I never lose hope. May I find the strength to strive for better, the courage to be different, the energy to give all that I have to offer. Amen.
And finally, hear these words of wisdom from St. Francis de Sales: Do not look forward in fear to the changes of life. Rather, look to them with full hope that as they arise, God, whose very own you are, will lead you safely through all things. And when you cannot stand it, God will carry you in His arms. Do not fear what may happen tomorrow. The same everlasting Father who cares for you today will take care of you today and every day. He will either shield you from suffering or will give you unfailing strength to bear it. Be at peace and put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginations. May it be so.